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Monday, September 28, 2009

With it, or maybe not

Hip?
By GC Smith

Writing from the hip, unbuttoning my lip. Gets me to say outrageous things like #@^%***#&&!!! But that has all been said before. So often said it now does bore. It loses punch this #@^%***#&&!!!, like writing interminably about vampires or of sex. There are only so many ways to kiss a neck. Only so many ways to draw blood. And so it is wiith sex in poetry or prose. There are only so many orifices to poke before sex becomes so ho-hum dreary. Just like the smutty #@^%***#&&!!!. Uttered from the lips of a boor who would be hip. But ain't.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Another try

Four Years Is What He Gets
By GC SMITH

Do not forget, our “Looney Tune” electorate
says, four, no more, that’s it
unless, of course it can be
convinced or hoodwinked

Four were granted
reluctantly in 2000
grant not without squabbling
down in sunny, balmy Florida

Four more were granted
reluctantly in 2004
some from the opposition
say stolen in rusty old Ohio

Four were granted to the new,
articulate, other guy in 2008
along with that grant two houses
and a shot at progress

Four were granted
for the “yes we can”
of change so sorely needed
that will not come on auto pilot

Four were granted
to get a job done
to fight the fights
while calming the divides

Four were granted
to get a job done,
to restore our place in world affairs
to tread the winding path of leadership

Four were granted
to get a job done
to move from centuries past
to a new and bright today

Four were granted
to get a job done
to fill the potholes, pave the way
to a productive, sustainable tomorrow

Four were granted
to try a new and ambitious agenda
fraught with pitfalls
in the wider world and at home.

Four were granted
to get a job done
while holding the moderates
who vote their minds and interests

Do not forget, our “Looney Tune” electorate
says, four, no more, that’s it
unless, of course, by 2012,
it can be convinced or hoodwinked

Time will tell if this great experiment,
America, can be governed of and for the people
or is forever condemned by fringes left and right
to swing from pillar to post of lunacy

Friday, September 25, 2009

Spikin' The Pine Trees

Fight For Your Right To Comfort
By GC SMITH

Gol durn environmentalists killed the Charmin' bear cub and his momma. They did that an’ they ain’t one bit sorry. They claim to be protecting trees with their militancy. They won’t stop with the demise of those cutesy bears either. Next they'll be spikin' tree trunks. They're relentless. They’re determined to eliminate billowy toilet paper. They are anti-comfort fundamentalist Luddites. They hate progress.

Those ass wipe(oops, wrong adjectives) self righteous bastards will stop at nothing. If we don’t fight them they'll reduce us to scraping our bungholes with sandpaper or worse.

Well let me tell you, there's no way I'm going to go back to corncobs. No siree, Bob. Not me. I'll fight.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Yum!

Da Cajun Gumbo
By GC SMITH

You rememba da grocery list. Well now dat I got da stuff it’s time fo’ cookin’ da gumbo.

Firs’ make da brown roux. Here’s da how:

One cup o’ vegetable oil
One cup o’ white flour in a sifter
Some salt an' some peppa

Heat dat oil real hot and sprinkle in some salt an’ cracked black peppa. Now, cut da heat to medium an’ slowly add da flour from da sifter while stirrin’ constantly. Continue stirrin’ till da roux turn a rich dark brown and there is a nutty smellin’ flava. Remove from da heat. Takes ‘bout a half hour o’ constant stirrin’ to be sure da roux doan burn. Trow da roux out an start again if it do burn.

Take a break an’ have youself a col’ one.

Chop up a coupla large onion, tree-four green bell peppas, an’ a bunch o’ celery. Dat’s da Cajun trinity. Trow dem veg in da roux an sauté careful like. Add ‘bout a poun’ an’ a haf’ o’ sliced okra to da sauté.

Nuther col’ one ‘bout here.

When da veg is cooked trough add two or tree quart o’ chicken or fish stock, whateva you prefer, an’ start heatin’. (da fish stock can be made fron boilin’ shrimp heads an’ shells in wata wit’ some busted up carrot an celery, an’ green onion an’ addin some spice to da boil. For chicken I cheat an’ use da canned stuff.)

Add some chopped up ‘maters, maybe six small one or three or four medium. (strickly speakin', 'maters make da gumbo into a Creole ratha dan a Cajun dish.)

Den spice da whole mess up wit a teaspoon of red peppa flakes and several shakes o’ Tabasco sauce. Add more cracked black peppa an’ a coupla bay leaf.

Bring da mess to a boil an’ den simma for a couple o’ hours while havin’ a coupla col’ ones.

‘bout an hour before servin’ cut up some andouile sausage an some chicken or duck meat an’ add it to da simma.

If da gumbo need thickin’ use some salt an’ peppered flour dissolved in some o’ da stock.

Las’ ting to do is add da seafood, shrimp, oysta, an’ cooked blue crab meat. Let dat final mess simma fifteen-twenty minute.

Serve dat gumbo ova’ boil long-grain white rice and wit’ what eva col’ longnecks you ain’ drunk during da cookin’. A crusty baguette go good also.

Note: Da Gumbo can be sausage an’ duck or chicken, or sausage an’ seafood, or it can be alla dat stuff trowed together. It’s your choice.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Boys --boys!

FOUNDING FATHERS

Hamilton & Burr

Post revolutionary American politics, awash in rivalies and argument, precursed what goes on to this very day.

Then in America it was the Democratic-Republicans and the Federalists having at one another. It’s tempting to say the arguments were liberal/conservative contretemps but it’s impossible to sort the muddled political philosophies so neatly. Let’s simply sat that then as today it all boiled down to “I’m right, you’re wrong” on the one side and “You’re wrong, I’m right” on the other side.

Arguments became raucous, particularly between Alexander Hamilton (Federalist) and Aaron Burr (Democratic-Republican). It got loud. It got nasty. One could say that it got so that Hamilton had a Burr up his … It was a mean standoff.

How else was this stuff to be settled but by duel. Dueling however, as it oft does, worked out poorly. Hamilton became a literal deader. Burr’s political ambitions died. Such are the rewards of rancor.

A lesson for today (likely not to be learned) is that we have been reduced to Republicans on one side Democrats on the other and we’re arguing with ourselves. A benefit of argument, this writer believes, is that it beats getting out the guns and shooting.

We all scream for ...

FOUNDING FATHER SERIES

James Madison

After arguing that a “Bill of Rights” was both unnecessary and dangerous Madison drafted and fought for the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution, that is “The Bill Of Rights.” Ah well, consistency, as is well known, is the hobgoblin of little minds. He went on to become the fourth President of the fledgling United States, accomplishing such as the Louisiana purchase and screwing up here and there with little missteps such as the war of 1812.

For all of Madison’s missteps and accomplishments none was so important as his marriage to Dolley. It was, after all, she who brought ice cream to the White House and thereby to a hungry America. Hooray for Dolley.

Sign here

FOUNDING FATHERS SERIES

John Hancock


"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these … "


JOHN HANCOCK

He laid it out there for folks. Right up front for King and all. Nothing shy about this signer.

Did Mr. Hancock ever do anything else?

I dunno! Do you?

Utterance quoted

FOUNDING FATHERS SERIES

Patrick Henry

Known far and wide as a champion of individual rights Patrick Henry gave the famous speech with the quotable line.



"Is life so dear, or peace so sweet,
as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?
Forbid it,
Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me,
give me liberty, or give me death!"


Ah yes, “give me liberty or give me death.”

Then there was Mrs. Henry, Sarah, who according to Patrick went bats. He kept her in a straightjacket in the basement of their home. One could imagine Sarah muttering over and over. “Give me liberty, I’ll give him death." Perhaps the slave woman assigned to attend Sarah would have helped.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Pickle Puss

FOUNDING FATHERS SERIES

John Adams.

Revolutionary, second President of the United States, Adams came by it naturally. He cut his teeth as a teacher and lawyer while preparing for public service. He failed as a farmer. He failed as a malter/brewer (seems Sam did better). He failed as a tax collector (unless you were a friend). Fouled by failure, Adams went through life looking as if he was sucking on a sour pickle, but I suppose you would as well if you were married to Abigail. Rumor has it she was not an easy woman. Then, of course, there was Jefferson, Adams ally and later fierce opponent and successor, in 1800, to the throne Presidency. Now permanently soured, Adams on his Independence Day deathbed, July 4, 1826, uttered his last words, “Jefferson lives”. He was of course wrong, which had he known might have sweetened the sour. Jefferson had died at Monticello hours earlier. But, such is the course of grudges.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Ah vanity!

FOUNDING FATHER'S SERIES

George's Busy Life
By GC SMITH

Chompin' cherries with wooden dentures isn't any fun. Red stains on white painted teeth could make a man blue. Hey, red, white, and blue, great colors for the new flag. If George was with us he's say: I'll have Martha talk to Betsy about that at next week's Mahjong party. Speaking of Betsy, I'm sure, G.W. would like to sleep there. Ah, to rest his weary head on that lush bosom. But, if Martha ever found out she's have his hide and he'd be in for even more shoeless camping in the snow. He couldn't afford that, not with Lafayette coming to meet about forming the Escadrille with 'mercan pilots (and more than a century ahead of it's time). I think he'd better go and powder the wig now before meeting time. Lord knows a man can never look too good.

The Jeffersonian Approach

FOUNDING FATHERS SERIES

Thomas Jefferson

To truly get a feel for Thomas Jefferson one should take the guided tour of his ancestral home, Monticello, for it is as an innovator we can actually see the great man’s mind at work. Inside the front door of Monticello, mounted on the foyer wall is a clock-calendar. The device not only tells time but it marks the day. To the device’s winding chain Jefferson attached heavy lead weights that dropped day by day, which were noted on the wall. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

Oops!

The chain unfortunately hit the floor before the week's final day. Was our polymath, Jefferson, deterred. Not in the least. Jefferson cut a hole in the foyer floor so that the weighted chain could continue its decent. Our Monticello guide remarked, “on Saturday Mr. Jefferson’s balls are in the basement.”

Bright fellow that he was you’ll find that Jefferson also dabbled in horticulture, statesmanship, architectecture, archaeology, paleontology, invention, and, of course, Sally.

So, dear reader, you have in this telling a glimpse into the mind and makeup of the man who was to become America’s third President. A man who truly represents this Nations frenetic inventiveness.

Nation Builders

FOUNDING FATHER’S SERIES

Benjamin Franklin

Busy Ben, a founding father, literally. A common law conjoiner and Pater familias to an illegitimate son. (Though just how a flesh and blood human standing before the world could possibly lack legitimacy has always eluded this chronicler.) But, be that as it may or may not be Ben went on to a continued shocking life. There were inventions galore and amazing scientific enquires, chief among which was the kite and string sting.

Our Ben is likely best remembered for his grand misogyny concerning why a young man should seek the comfort of older women, who were not yet in those days of yore identified by the cutsey appellation --Cougar. His advice: they don’t yell, or tell, or swell, and they’re grateful as hell.

Ah, but there were other sides to this most accomplished man. Lest we forget, despite peccadilloes, Ben also preached virtuousness thereby establishing an unbroken politician's hypocrisy practiced assiduously from the first days of the Republic to this very moment. Ah, yes, busy Ben, stage setter extraordinaire.

Ben Franklin, founding father, pride of the new Nation.