Just deserts

After The Christmas Party
By GC SMITH

“Ow, my fucking head,” Sandra heard Rafe mutter as he stumbled through the snow to the outdoor john. He’d partied last night. His boss took over Sonny’s honky-tonk for the Christmas party and Sandra just knew Rafe had himself a time there. No doubt he’d drunk a bucket of booze. Flirted with all the cooze. Had himself one bitchin’ good time. Served him right, he was sufferin’ now.

Sandra stood at the kitchen window watching Rafe flounder, She smiled, ~limp dick son-of-a-bitch, she thought. Coming on home drunk again and crawling on top of me. I thought I’d smother. Then him still on me and falling asleep. That was the last straw. He’ll never crawl into my bed again.

Sandra’s promise to herself was one she had made over and over again and one that she never kept. Rafe used her as he saw fit and she always gave in to him. He used her as a punching bag if she balked in the slightest at his demands. Slammed her around and took what he wanted. He didn’t give her needs a second’s thought. He didn’t care. She always caved in.

Sandra steeled herself. She was going to make her resolve stick this time. He wouldn’t ever ... Her thoughts were interrupted by Rafe’s hollering. “Sandy, Goddammit, there ain’t no ass wipe in here. What the fuck kind of woman don’t keep paper in the shit house.”

Sandra ignored Rafe’s bellowing. He threatened a beating. She stood fast, ignoring the threat. Rafe raged.

Finally, the outhouse door opened and the big man stood in its frame. Sandra set the telescopic crosshair of Rafe’s old 30-40 Krag on Rafe’s chest. She squeezed the trigger. A crimson flow opened on the big man’s chest. He crumpled to the snow. Sandra went outside and removed Rafe’s clothes. She left the body in the snow near the man's big red wood chipper.

In the morning Sandra sat at the kitchen table. She knew from her backwoods life experience that it would take the turkey vultures two or three days to complete their cleanup work, maybe a bit longer considering the cold air and the fact that vultures liked their meat rank. She dragged on her cigarette and smiled. Disposing of Rafe’s stripped bones would be easy.

Rafe had been a licensed plumber. If he’d ever honored his promise to build an indoor bathroom in Sandra’s old mountain cabin he’d likely still be alive. He’d still be beating on Sandra. Still be lord of the manor. Sandra lit another cigarette. Two weeks until Christmas. It would be the first time in years that Sandra would enjoy Christ's birthday. Sometimes broken promises are for the best.

Redneck's Pick-em-up Tricks

Those Calvin Decals
by GC SMITH

Calvin once complained that there were not enough Ford pickup truck rear windows in the world. He'd been pissing on Chevy and Dodges and Toyotas and Nissans from those rear windows since he first got out of diapers. Despite his Mommy's aghast horror at his behavior Calvin wanted to piss on every damn one of them. Fords are the trucks and that was his message. Guy trucks. Manly trucks. Calvin wanted the whole world to get the word and pissing on those other brands was his way of spreading the truth. That was, of course, until that fateful day when all of the Chevy, Dodge, Toyota, and Nissan truck owners banded together with scrapers. From that day forward Ford pickup windows were clean. Calvin pissed no more. I can't begin to tell you, dear reader, how pleased Calvin's mother was to no longer live with her embarrassment. Poor woman, she simply didn't know her Calvin. He'd be back. This time he was going to moon those other pickup truck drivers.

Soup's on

Jerry’s Pasta Fazoole

Sauté in a large, heavy pot 1 pound of stew beef in 1 inch cubes with three tablespoons of good quality olive oil until brown.

Add two-three chopped onions (big ones)
1 cup or more of chopped celery
1 cup or more shredded carrots

continuing sautéing for about 10-15 minutes over low heat. Add olive oil if needed.

Add 1 can of diced tomatoes
1 can of drained red kidney beans
1 can of drained white kidney beans
three cans of beef broth
1 can of plain tomato sauce
1 12 oz can of V-8 juice
6 to 8 ounces of good red wine (plus 4 for the cook)

8-10 grinds of black pepper
oregano to taste
a bunch of chopped parsley
two bay leafs
Several goodly shakes of Tabasco sauce

Simmer the soup for two hours or more. Add a half pound of pasta (I use small shells) Cook another half hour. Turn off heat and let sit all afternoon.

Hours later reheat and serve with crusty French bread, an Italian salad, and red wine.

Yummy!

Fiddle-dee-dee

Scarlet Fury
By GC SMITH

Katy’s family and friends believed that all was right in her world. Gorgeous, the child of privilege, a Juris Doctorate from Georgetown University Law School, a junior partnership in Hemphill, Baton, Goldman, Rodriguez, and O’Hara, and her life with Josh. But, for a long while all was not right in Katy's world.

The photographs were the last straw. A photo of Katy’s license plate, a mangled body, the bashed fender with blood splotches on the white paintwork of Katy’s Jaguar, a photo of Katy looking down at the body. Four photos and the blackmail note. Bogus photographs. Cleverly photo shopped forgeries of a scene that never was. Never-the-less the stuff made public could be damaging to the young lawyer.

Katy took a 1911 Colt .45 automatic from its case. Josh hadn’t for years touched the pistol that he had stolen from his long deceased uncle, a veteran of WW II. She slipped a full ammunition clip into the pistol and smiled. No one but she knew the real Josh. The humiliation he heaped on her. The squandered money. His sluts. And now this attempted extortion.

Katy could see her future. Tragedy. Josh gunned down by an unknown assailant in downtown D.C. Family and colleagues commiserating. A decent period of mourning. Then, … Katy smiled, thinking about her all time favorite novel.

“Tomorrow is another day “, she murmured.

???

I Dunno
By GC SMITH

Mighty minds
and nitwit intellects
have wrestled
with life’s
mysteries;
their conclusions,
reasoned or
pure wish
leave me
unsatisfied

I
don’t
know
from whence
I came
or where
I’ll go,
nor,
I think do you,
but I may err

Myths
may comfort
and if they
do
that is
very good
for you
who
would
accept

Science
may satisfy
some souls’ longings
for answers to
the here
the how
the why,
but answers,
to me,
beg questions

I,
for one,
accept
mysteries
that abound
on our earth
and, yes, beyond
and with comfort
will accept
my final fate

So,
as the winter’s
solstice draws near
I bid good cheer
to each and everyone;
it matter’s not
to me what
folks believe;
what’s in their hearts
is what counts

Lost in the ether

I Need A Notebook
by GC SMITH

I'm of Irish extraction and much given to words
with which I make magic, at least so I have heard

I sure hope that readers of my poems will agree
but there are some poems that they'll never see

Poems that are lost, simply dissolved in the ether,
poems made of thoughts never put down on paper

Sometimes I make strophes that I should write down
if I don't, then those verses are gone, I say, and I frown

Now, how the hell do I get that stuff back,
it's a mystery to me, I fear it always will be

Perhaps it's through the binary, Boolean bits,
Like yes and no, on and off and one and two hits

They'll process the stuff that's run through my brain,
it's in there, yet, I'm unsure I'll ever find it again

'Cause I'm sure not a computer, no, I'm flesh and bone
and If I don't put poems to paper then dammit they're gone

Cookin' today

GC's Heart Busting Beef Burgundy

Fry a pound of sliced bacon in olive oil until crisp, Remove bacon, drain over paper towels and crumble.

In the olive oil bacon drippings mixture sauté 3 pounds of 1 ½ inch squares of high quality stew beef. If at all fatty or gristly trim. Brown the meat on all sides using tongs (not a fork) to turn. The beef should be dark brown on all sides.

Remove beef and drain fat.

In the same pot sauté three medium sized onions and a half pound of carrot strips with 4 or 5 cloves of chopped garlic. Sauté until onions are soft and brown.

Pour off most of the oil/bacon drippings. Stir 4 tablespoons of all purpose flour into the sautéed veggies. Return crumbled bacon and browned beef cubes to the pot.

Stir in
2 cans of beef broth
2 cups of a good (palatable) red wine. Merlot, cabernet sauvignon, or whatever full bodied wine you prefer.
1 tablespoon of tomato paste
½ teaspoon thyme
2 bay leafs.

Bring to a boil, cut back to simmer for two, two and a half hours or until beef is tender.

Remove beef and veggies and reduce sauce until it thickens. If it gets too thick just thin out with more beef broth or wine.

Meanwhile sauté 1 pound of medium whole white mushrooms in a quarter pound of butter until soft. Toss ‘em in with the beef/veggies. Put it all back in the burgundy gravy.

Refrigerate overnight. The flavor will grow.

The next day just cook wide egg noodles and reheat the beef burgundy over a low flame.

Serve over noodles with a good, crusty French bread and red wine of your choice.

Mmmm! Good!